#9: The art of outgrowing yourself
I cringed at my past self until I realized this
It’s March 15th!
Today marks five years since the Philippines went into COVID lockdown. Five years! So much has changed since then, but the opposite is also true. I originally published Studio Notes at the very start of the pandemic, as a way to stay in touch with others and also process my experiences in the open. Thank you to everyone who’s stayed subscribed since then and celebrated this newsletter’s return after four years of silence. <3
Yesterday, I did a deep dive into my Facebook archive—I know—and nearly gagged at how funny and young I was when I used to be active on the platform. I could hardly recognize myself from a decade ago! And thank God for that! Because I am thankful for that past self, the one who struggled so much with her self-worth and confidence. She was that girl who eventually did the inner work which became the foundation of the life I enjoy today. She was the one who was brave enough to take the first scary steps towards expressing her creativity. She was the one who stood her ground even when others made fun of her for being a beginner. She walked so I could run, and I am deeply grateful!
Now that it’s 2025, I find myself again at a crossroads—I’m not entirely sure how the rest of my year is going to unfold. Terrifying and exciting times! The possibilities are wide and I am here for all of it. That deep dive gave me a lot to unpack, and here are my takeaways:
It is normal to cringe at your recent past self. It is a big sign of growth to be just as embarrassed by the version of you from a few months ago as the self that existed a full decade ago. Because if you can still fully relate to your outdated self, have you truly grown? Or have you subconsciously been putting your old identity on a pedestal and calling it your peak? I think we often forget that we hold the power of transformation. It’s easy to grow attached to our current identity because it’s familiar. But the truth is: you are under no obligation to be the same person you were just yesterday! You’re free to change at any moment. You are allowed make different choices.
It is OK to feel grief about an earlier version of life that you had to let go of. I recently attended a friend’s exhibit at a venue where I showed art at a few years ago. It only hit me much later that the small handful of people I’d invited to that particular show—the relationships and close friendships dear to me at the time—were no longer in my life. We’d all outgrown each other, and for good reasons. From them I learned how important it is to fully appreciate the season of life you’re in while you’re in it, so that when life changes (and it will) you can look back with gratitude even if it’s bittersweet.
The Universe always has your back. Scrolling through my past reminded me that everything does work out for me, and that I can trust that even in uncertainty. I don’t mean that to brag, but as a way to affirm that life has a mysterious way of working out the details. You just have to observe the patterns closely enough to appreciate how the perceived mistakes become lessons, how rejection is always redirection—towards something even better. Detours become memories in an ongoing adventure that is impossible to predict. Embracing change is how we experience the joy of being alive!
Five years ago feels like a lifetime and just yesterday at the same time. Isn’t it fascinating how all of life is either a memory or a mystery, except for the present moment?
Here’s to the versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown—and the ones we’ve yet to meet.
xxxx, B
PS. Our exhibit After Laughter runs until April 28 at Altro Mondo Picasso! We’ll be in the gallery this afternoon, hope to see you there!
PPS. I’m opening my studio for a new season of commissions this summer. Reply to this email if you’re interested to customize art for your space <3